Tag Archives: school

Hulkin’ Around

13 Dec

Today was the interview at Disneyland. The interview went very well. The lady explained that Disney tends to pull apps prior to a peak season and put the best candidates on a waitlist. She told me to expect an email or call between January and February. She even waitlisted me for two positions: the stores and the quick-serve restaurants. She went on to tell me that I carry myself well and communicate with ease. The first part meant a lot to me because I have had a problem with portraying myself as confident for the majority of my life.

Here is the slip she gave me after the interview. The best part is: I won’t have to be interviewed again. I will receive a call or email for a job offer. Whoop! I am excited!

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After the interview, the boys and I lingered around Downtown Disney. Primarily the Lego store. My son showed a big interest in the Legos. He loved the Lego models of Woody, Buzz, and RC. We both really liked the Hulk model and decided to take a Hulk pose picture. (:

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In non-Disney related news, I am finally through with fall semester. I’m now thirteen units closer to my AA and have a 3.75 gpa. I am fairly proud! I cannot wait until spring semester in Feb! (Yes, I am that nerdy.)

Today was a well-deserved rest day. Yesterday, I killed my new rules stage 2A workout. I absolutely HATE front squat/push press. I love squats; it is the push press part I loathe. My ability to do push-ups and planks are slowly improving. I also blasted out my week 3 day 3 4 mile run. I woke up unable to fully walk until after my long hot shower. I will not be lifting until Sunday. Tomorrow I have a speedy 3 miler and Saturday is the day I dedicate solely to my long run, which is 7 miles this week.

Last thing, I want to recommend a protein bar. I am a fan of a couple Pure Protein products and the other day I came across another awesome one.

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This bar is delicious! I leave my protein bars in the fridge and this was another great cold bar. It is 180 calories, 20g protein, 17g carbs, and 6g fat. I have found them at Target and Fresh & Easy. The bar is fairly filling too!

To summarize: y’all cross your fingers that Disney calls and calls me soon!! (Or emails…that is fine too.) (:

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That “Little Voice”

9 Dec

I cannot remember exactly when that little voice in the back of my head sprang to life and started talking to me, but I do know it has been a dominate force in my life for years and that it developed sometime long ago when I was a pre-teen. The little voice is that terrible narrator in your head telling you rotten statements that are not true. My little voice has always said things like:

you are not good enough
they do not like/love you
you are ugly, stupid, and fat.
you will never become anything.
you will never be important.
you, ultimately, do not matter.

Looking back on my childhood (because is that not where most of our little voices develop those strong vocal chords), I see a connection between my little voice and my mother. My mother has suffered from OCD, anorexia, and serve anxiety for years. The anorexia started when she was a teenager; the other two developed more and more as she became an adult.

I first started noticing my mother’s problems with herself when I was eleven. She would stare at herself for ten to thirty minutes multiples time a day in the mirror in my bedroom. My closet doors were mirrors. I loved dancing in front of them pretending I was Baby Spice, but my mother used them to pick herself apart.

How much older than your father do I look?
I am getting chunky.
Wow, I look haggard.
I am ugly.

She would ask me questions that, as a young girl, I thought were weird. My mom has always been beautiful. Even if she was not my mom, I would think that. She confused me. Why did she not see what I saw?

Hearing my mother’s negative self-talk made me start to look at myself more critically. Where the kids at school right? I was tall, pale, and overweight. I did not really focus on this anymore. I was no longer being teased. I had friends now. I was happy. Or was it all a lie? My mom’s self-hate was contagious. The voice was probably born sometime around here when I was between eleven and twelve.

When my mom would stop eating, I wanted to lose weight her. I wanted boys at school to look at me the way grown men looked at her. When I was between thirteen and fifteen, my mother and I went through an ugly time together. We spent a lot of time eating lettuce and drinking Slim Fast. We were unhappy and constantly telling each other just how shitty we found ourselves to be.

I also picked up on her perfectionist qualities. Anything below an A in school (with the exception of math) was disgusting. I was not going to hold myself to the slacker standards of my peers. I struggled some nights between all my honors/AP classes and extra-curricular activities. I wanted to be fresh and creative to teachers regardless of how long I had to spend on the assignment.

The thing about the voice is: I never was able to make myself happy. No grade was good enough. No compliment was true. No report card filled me with pride. No matter what I did. I was not enough. I always had to be better….but I never actually thought I was better.

Same as my mother, I hit a point when nothing mattered anymore. I graduated and decided to not go to college. I worked for a fast food place instead. I consigned myself to eating and working for barely over minimum wage. I hated myself and wanted to torture myself because I thought living that way was what I deserved.

For almost three years, I have been working on accepting myself. I came out of a major depression and have slowly started to work on things, like that little voice.

Having a child of my own has been a big part of why I want to fix my real flaw. It will not matter if i’m fat, skinny, average, beautiful, or ugly. What will affect my son is how I feel about myself and what I do with my life. I do not want to teach him insecurities and self-hate.

As I approach the end of my first full semester of community college, I am proud. I do not have straight As and, for once, I am alright with that. I worked hard for a steady 3.5, but I did not let the pressure of school, my family, and the little voice get to me. Yes, I had days that I felt like a moron. There were also days I told myself to drop all of my classes because I would never be able to obtain a degree. However, I was able to ignore those thoughts. I was able to push through and, for the first time in maybe…ever, I feel proud of myself. Long ago, I let the voice dominate me. Now I know that even though I will never be perfect, I can still be the most amazing me. (and it may sound cheesy but it’s a big step for me!)

A Crazy Saturday

8 Dec

A long run, a final paper, and a visit to the emergency room. This is what my day consisted of.

I woke up an hour and a half late so I had to skip my morning yoga. Having a hyper toddler means I have to be up before eight to do yoga otherwise he thinks I want to wrestle.

After a nice breakfast of Chobani vanilla greek yogurt with a pile of blackberries (and a dash of cinnamon), I propped open the laptop to begin my final paper on Shakespeare’s Othello with a short compare and contrast of the 1995 film adaption. I finished the paper earlier than I expected. I have loved that play, primarily the soliloquies of Iago, since I was sixteen, so that might have helped.

Next was my long run of week two. A six mile run is not long to me but I am following my training as much as I can. I ran 6.20 i 1:01:50 which excited me. My PR for a 10K is 56:40, so I did not lose too much during my unfortunate break from running. I am not running for speed. I run for the joy of it.

Now, to where I am at currently. I suffered from an abscess that developed into cellulitis in mid-late September. Well poor hubs has had a string of abscesses in the past two weeks. Two days ago, he developed one that was larger and a bit more painful than the others. I was so afraid that he’d toy with it and create an opportunity for his infection to spread (as I made the mistake of doing) that I forced him to go to the ER. He can barely walk and I can tell he is in miserable pain. Poor guy.

My Saturday has been a little whacky. I have one week left of school and only a few days until my Disneyland interview.

And how could I forget, Christmas is around the corner. I have to find a healthy recipe for those “gingys” my son keeps asking for.

Hope y’all had a wonderful Saturday with no trips to the doctor!

Slip-On Sneakers at the Gym

28 Nov

I’d apply at that place!

After a weekend of not running or going to the gym, my workout today (technically yesterday) was very needed.

I am reaching the end of Stage 1 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. I will be sad to go on to Stage 2. I am currently OBSESSED with back squats. I may just add those into the workout somehow. Anyway, here was my workout today.

Back squats: 1×8 @ 115lbs, 2×8 @ 125lbs
Push Ups: 3×8 on an aerobic step with 1 pair of risers
Dumbbell Bent Over Rows: 3×8 @ 25lbs
Step Ups: 3×8 on an aerobic step with 3 pairs of risers w/ 22.5lbs (per dumbbell)
Prone Jackknife: 1×10, 2×12

Cardio was weird today. I love to run. I spent all of my childhood hating running. I dreaded the mile in gym. I always got side stitches and my legs felt like lead. Last year, something changed inside me. I slowly started running and now I love it. I am psycho about trying to protect my knees though. I have only one pair of shoes right now and they are a pair of blue slip-on sneakers. I picked them up at Target one day for twelve bucks. These are not the type of shoes I would run in. I felt like a dork in the gym today. I kept looking down at my feet wondering if I looked like a super gymrat because nothing stops me from working out or if I looked like a fitness nOOb who doesn’t even get the right shoes to workout in. Either way, I did what I needed to do! I decided to do twenty minutes on the stairclimber and then do half an hour on the elliptical. I worked up a nice sweat.

One thing I did notice at the gym today was that I could not keep my eyes off of myself. My confidence is raising. I see a strong sexy lady when I look in the gym mirrors now. I no longer see a girl that always felt physically weak. I see a woman with a barbell across her shoulders squatting ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE POUNDS! I have made such a giant transformation. Today, it was hard to stop looking and myself with pride. I hate to go on about myself like that, but it is a big deal for me. I’m sure i’ll divulge into that more later.

In other news, we have a cute little Minnie Mouse themed Christmas tree up. We decided to be those people this year, haha. A tree up before it is even December. It is hard not to be excited when you have an thirty-four month old bouncing around with a smile on his face constantly babbling about Christmas. I am more excited about December 14th though. Fall semester will be over!!

I will try to catch up on blog reading (and posting) but I am now in finals week so…..anything that does not involve my son, school, or working out…..EEEEK….do not know if I will have time!

In the spirit of finals (and trying not to stress myself out about if I am or am not getting straight As):

Mmmm……I believe in you too ;p

Can’t Steal My Spirit

25 Nov

After a very long weekend, I am feeling much better. I have a game plan and spirit. Those are two things people cannot steal.

I want to thank y’all for being great followers. The sympathy I have received the past few days has made me feel so loved. It has helped me cope with not being able to run for a full week.

I did binge yesterday. I watched television and ate. The good part was finally seeing Magic Mike. That movie immediately became a favorite. I think pieces of pumpkin pie fell out of my mouth as my jaw dropped during Channing Tatum’s stripping scenes. Haha.

Anyway, today I woke up with my head on right. I will be replacing all of my running gear this friday. I will start hitting the gym again Tuesday to lift, use the Arc trainer and climb those endless black stairs. Tuesday also starts finals! My partners in health class have not gotten back to me about our group project. I loathe group projects. I will not do all of the work. I have sent 2 pms and 3 emails and no response. They have until the 30th to respond, otherwise I am doing the whole project and turning it in with only my name on it. (Yes, I am that kind of person.) Besides health, I have two giant projects for Film and Lit. One of the projects is broken down into three spreadsheets and two papers on Othello v. Othello (1995…or 1994 film). The other one is the usual exam.

I am determined to not let the stress of finals get to me. I will finish Stage 1 of New Rules this week (or the start of next week) and I will resume running again Saturday. I am doing a lot of modifications to the way I eat this week.

I am not eating anything from a restaurant or fast food place for a week. I am also cutting my calories from 1700 to 1500, only for this week. I also am trying to stick to a more clean approach. I will not have any diet soda this week or any of the pre-made meals I love from Fresh and Easy. I want to see what one week of being extremely strict does for my body.

Time for bed. I cannot wait to beast it this week! (:
I also cannot wait to take my son to Disneyland one last time this year. I decided not to renew my annual pass just yet and they expire on Wednesday. I love his excitement and smiles when we go to DL. He’ll be a happy boy which will only make this coming week better!

Are You There Sandman?

18 Nov

A long day of reading, watching films for school, and consuming coffee has led to me being up at four in the morning.
I read 1/3 of Fast Food Nation, watched the film fictionally based off of the same book, and watched Food Inc. for my film and lit class.
I officially never want to eat fast food, processed foods, or meat ever again. Some parts of both films made my stomach churn a little.

I was sad to skip the gym today, but school comes first. (Well second to my son, of course.) I spent three hours in the library. I will do my first long run and lift tomorrow, or should I say later today? Haha.

Sorry I skipped yesterday and today’s fit thought. I will be done with fall semester the second week of and December. I am hoping that I can shove in as much coursework as possible every day this coming week so I can be done with these classes early. Then, I will be on break until mid-February!

Hope y’all had a great day. Hopefully with less school work than I had.