Tag Archives: nutrition

Bye Holidays

29 Dec

I am fairly excited to be through with the holidays.
I am only a festive-ish person now because of my son.

I spent Christmas sick, but that is okay. My son was so stoked about opening presents that it did not matter if I had the sniffles or not. Something about his smiling face as he unwrapped his gifts eased my upset tummy. (:
After gifts, I watched the basketball games on ABC. This is my only real Christmas tradition. Seriously, I would not even have a tree if it was not for my son. I am just a weirdo like that.

My training is going well. I have had to run sick, in the rain, and stuffed with cranberry jello salad. I wrapped up week 5 day 6’s run today. I’m so thrilled to be injury free and running the way I was prior to the PF issues that plagued me throughout the summer. Tomorrow is my first double-digit run since July. I love 10-12 mile runs!

I am almost done with Stage 2 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. Lifting is becoming harder to fit in as my mileage increases. I just become pooped and I would rather run than lift. I love to lift but running comes first!!

Speaking of my training, I was looking ahead to January’s schedule and YIKES! Stage 3 certainly qualifies as BEAST MODE and towards the end of the month I will run FOURTEEN MILES! I know I know….14 miles is nothing if I want to run a marathon, but I have never ran more than a half (13.10) so I am scared and excited about that extra 9/10 of a mile.

Since I am obviously going to enter beast mode in 2013, I have started to focus on my eating. I have not binged in, at least, a week now. Once all the family has cleared out the first week of Jan, I have collected some recipes I want to try out. I am going to make a healthy eggplant dish, my own protein bars, and some veggie lasagna. I really want to eat as clean as possible and do a bi-monthly cheat meal.

So i’m alive and haven’t quit my blog. I was just sick and wrapped up in all that is Christmas.
How was y’alls holiday? Get an amazing presents?? (:

Die Hard: As in Old Habits, Not the Movies.

30 Nov

There are no memes, no attempts at jokes, nothing smiley or funny about this post tonight. I am worried. I am starting to see some habits developing again and I am desperately trying to stop them. I want to be done with some of my undesirable behaviors. I want to be physically and mentally happy.

Whenever I start to feel out of control, I grasp to something and become obsessed with it. When I was younger, it was school. When I was a teenager, it was writing and self-mutilation .When I was between 16-18, it was my first job. Then, I went a couple of years filling the void and trying to fix my lack of control in ways that I do not want to talk about at this time.  When I started my healthy lifestyle change, I slowly discovered a new way to feel in control: exercise.

I had used cycles of purging and starving in the past to feel in control, but I had never really seen exercise as something I could take control of. The summer of last year changed that for me. I had put some weight back on after a car accident. I had problems with my left knee all spring. I felt broken, but it all changed in the summer. I started to go to the gym. Then, I progressed to running to the gym and then doing an hour of cardio at the gym. Then, I started running to the gym and doing almost two hours of cardio (and some strength training) only to run back home. I was a mad woman, but I loved it. I thought I was in control of my body. I was able to eat minimal amounts and exercise away my pains, fears, and uncertainty. The added attention from people noticing my changing body helped me feel better also.

This week I have worked out harder than I should have. I did more cardio and did not eat enough. I am looking back at my food log (via MyFitnessPal) and see the biggest deficits I have seen since January. I had to stop myself from doing more cardio today. I did an hour Tuesday and an hour Wednesday. Each of those days, I also did New Rules of Lifting for Women. Today, I did New Rules again and immediately went to the cardio section to hop on the Arc trainer. Since my son did not come with me to the gym, I did not have a two hour maximum to abide by. After twenty minutes, I recognized the need building inside of me. I wanted to do an hour of the Arc and then do some intervals on either the crossramp or the stairclimber, even though I was already sore and tired. I wanted to prove to myself that I can do it. I can do all that cardio. Fuck those people who stole my running shoes. Fuck my husband’s jokes. Fuck my grandmother mocking what I choose to eat. But after thirty-seven minutes on the Arc trainer, I pried myself off of it. I could barely walk from three hard workout days in a row.

Realizing these old patterns re-emerging made me start to look at my life right now. What is making me feel so out of control? What is making me feel so empty? I need to take a step back. I need to look at the thing going on in my life right now. I need to focus on what is upsetting me instead of finding another way to cover it up.

I need to keep trying to grow and become healthy in my head and heart. Not just around my waistline.

Slip-On Sneakers at the Gym

28 Nov

I’d apply at that place!

After a weekend of not running or going to the gym, my workout today (technically yesterday) was very needed.

I am reaching the end of Stage 1 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. I will be sad to go on to Stage 2. I am currently OBSESSED with back squats. I may just add those into the workout somehow. Anyway, here was my workout today.

Back squats: 1×8 @ 115lbs, 2×8 @ 125lbs
Push Ups: 3×8 on an aerobic step with 1 pair of risers
Dumbbell Bent Over Rows: 3×8 @ 25lbs
Step Ups: 3×8 on an aerobic step with 3 pairs of risers w/ 22.5lbs (per dumbbell)
Prone Jackknife: 1×10, 2×12

Cardio was weird today. I love to run. I spent all of my childhood hating running. I dreaded the mile in gym. I always got side stitches and my legs felt like lead. Last year, something changed inside me. I slowly started running and now I love it. I am psycho about trying to protect my knees though. I have only one pair of shoes right now and they are a pair of blue slip-on sneakers. I picked them up at Target one day for twelve bucks. These are not the type of shoes I would run in. I felt like a dork in the gym today. I kept looking down at my feet wondering if I looked like a super gymrat because nothing stops me from working out or if I looked like a fitness nOOb who doesn’t even get the right shoes to workout in. Either way, I did what I needed to do! I decided to do twenty minutes on the stairclimber and then do half an hour on the elliptical. I worked up a nice sweat.

One thing I did notice at the gym today was that I could not keep my eyes off of myself. My confidence is raising. I see a strong sexy lady when I look in the gym mirrors now. I no longer see a girl that always felt physically weak. I see a woman with a barbell across her shoulders squatting ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE POUNDS! I have made such a giant transformation. Today, it was hard to stop looking and myself with pride. I hate to go on about myself like that, but it is a big deal for me. I’m sure i’ll divulge into that more later.

In other news, we have a cute little Minnie Mouse themed Christmas tree up. We decided to be those people this year, haha. A tree up before it is even December. It is hard not to be excited when you have an thirty-four month old bouncing around with a smile on his face constantly babbling about Christmas. I am more excited about December 14th though. Fall semester will be over!!

I will try to catch up on blog reading (and posting) but I am now in finals week so…..anything that does not involve my son, school, or working out…..EEEEK….do not know if I will have time!

In the spirit of finals (and trying not to stress myself out about if I am or am not getting straight As):

Mmmm……I believe in you too ;p

Thanksgiving Breakdown

23 Nov

And also you Chuck.

I spent almost a week stressing out about Thanksgiving. I imagined my hubs and grandmother not getting along. I imagined 5,000 calories worth of food going down my throat and expanding my stomach. I imagined crying and wishing that Thanksgiving had never became a holiday.

As usual, my worrying was for nothing. My grandmother cooked a delicious meal. There was a lot more butter going on than I would have preferred,  but it was not as bad as I thought.

My grandmother was channeling her inner Paula Deen yesterday.

Since I know it is so easy for me to make a day of overeating become a week of overeating, I kept an eye on myself yesterday. I tried to fill up on turkey, green beans (she did not add the bacon, yay!), and cranberry salad. I did eat a tiny portion of the candied yams and mashed potatoes and gravy. I did not want my grandmother to feel bad, even if our previously discussed meal plan was ignored. I even indulged in a pie of homemade apple pie and a piece of pumpkin pie.

I had more room for pie because I did do my training run yesterday. I ran 4.15 miles on the streets. I really hold myself back on the treadmill. I run a steady 10:20 pace on the streets, while I stay between 10:45-11:10 on the treadmill. I have always been one to focus on my distance, not my speed. I also do not want to push myself to run to fast and then suffer an injury. I like to be careful.

I finally discovered why I have felt so sick. I am suffering from a killer sinus infection. But it is not stopping me from my training!

Hope y’all had a great turkey day!

Daily Fit Thought #11

21 Nov

Today’s daily fit thought is being typed out with tomorrow in mind. I know that I am stressing about a table full of bad decisions, refined carbs, unhealthy fats, and too much sugar. I have been internally stressing about the amount of “no more thank you”s and “i already had some and could not possibly eat anymore”s that I will have to politely fling out at my family.

Thing is: IT IS ONE DAY. One meal consumed during a single day. One meal will not make or break a string of very good decisions.

I am not saying shove a whole pumpkin pie down you throat, throw up your hands, and scream, “YOLO”. What I am saying (typing? you get it!) is that a little stuffing, gravy, yams, rolls, turkey, and a piece of pie will not ruin what you have been working on. As long as the next day you are back on track.

Try not to worry when you look at that full Thanksgiving dinner table. Do not make your family feel bad for the food they cooked. Do not make yourself feel bad for eating some of that lovingly cooked food. You will be alright. It really is just one day.

Learning to Modify

21 Nov

I took a rest day today. Hubs is having some issues and I decided to take him out today. I know he has been so exhausted working overnight shifts the past month, so I was hoping a little day date would cheer him up.

We went to a hamburger restaurant that he really likes, Red Robin. Usually when I go there I kick the idea of healthy eating out of my mind. I slide in that plastic booth and prepare to eat my heart out. However, since I was rocking my size 10 skinny jeans (with no muffin top at all!!), I decided that I should maybe try that modification thing I hear so many talk about.

Yep, that is about 700 calories of pure fat and refined carbs, YUM.

Instead of getting my usual chicken sandwich, I made it a healthier version of what is pictured above. I took of the bun in substitute of a lettuce wrap, cut out the mayo, and said no cheese please. Taking off those three items made a calorie splurge into a decent choice. The sandwich became 330 calories, 10g of fat, 25g of carbs, and 32g of protein. I topped that off with a side salad, hold the dressing, and I had one decent meal. I really need to learn how to modify more. The sandwich was still awesome tasting and I did not have to feel guilty after eating it. Haha.

Speaking of worrying, I am worried about tomorrow’s Thanksgiving dinner. I spoke to my grandmother about modifying some of the side dishes and such so it would not be such a blow to my efforts. I like sweet potatoes, so let’s do that instead of candied yams. How about just cranberry slices instead of the cranberry salad? How about making a healthier homemade pumpkin pie instead of buying a giant one at Costco? How about wheat rolls (or preferably no rolls at all) instead of white rolls? She agree a month ago to all of this. Then, last night she came home with 4 packs of white rolls, 2 bags of marshmallows, and a humongous pumpkin pie from Costco. This really disappoints me. I am very anal about what my son eats, my hubs will not eat anything other than the turkey anyway (because he is picky), and she just picks at food. This leaves a load of leftovers for who? Oh yeah, me. Not thrilled at all……I have decided not to help her cook. These are not the meals we agreed to. These are not the items I agree to cooking. If she initially had a problem with the meal plan I had discussed, it would have been nice of her to say so. Oh well, I will figure something out. I did give myself a rest day today and will be working out for 2-3 hours tomorrow. I have double training so….that should keep me away from all that terrible food for a while.

I know that sounds like ED in full swing. I just have had a hard time maintaining control this year and I do not want to slip up. Like my new challenge said, I am going to love myself and respect my needs. I do not want marshmallows and I have a right to not eat them.
I’m sorry if I sound whiny and spoiled. Lately, I have just felt a lack of support at home and it is really getting to me. I hope my readers in America have a great Holiday and for my readers not in the states have a great day too. (:

Love Thyself (Challenge #2)

20 Nov

I have a confession to make: I let other people influence my eating habits.

When I was younger, I was a bossy child. I had opinions, both right and wrong ones, and I stuck to them with a fervor and passion that could not be taken away. However, as I grew up, I became insecure and lost my confidence. Suddenly, my ideas, thoughts, and opinions, seemed weak and I was ready to toss them aside for almost anyone else’s.

I decided, almost three years ago, that I no longer wanted the eating habits that had plagued me for years. I revamped a lot of the things I did. I no longer drank regular soda. I no longer ate fast food multiple times a day. I actually started eating fruits and veggies. My husband was left in the wind. When we met, it was a whirlwind of late nights, fast food wrappers, and bad decisions. We loved spending time together, spending money, and eating. I can see that, to him, I have become a different person. I am trying to budget our money. I do not want to go out to eat. I spend more time in the gym. I talk about nutrition, running, lifting, and other things that he has no interest in. I see why he does not support me. I am not the women he fell in love with or married. At the same time though, people are constantly changing and evolving. Maybe one day he will change his mind and join me, or just support what I am doing.

Until then, I cannot let others influence the decisions I am making for myself. If my husband wants fast food then I must let him but not have it myself. I have to be able to stand up for myself and say, “No!” In the end, my husband might not feel guilty for eating junk food but I do.

This is the part of the journey that has been the hardest for me. I need to learn to love and respect myself. My whole life has been about putting other people first. I am always trying to make others happy. But what about Heather? I always seem to forget about her. I am always so willing to throw away what I want to put a smile on someone else’s face.

This is my new challenge. I messed up on my first challenge. I had fast food. I lasted a full week, but my challenge was a month. My husband wanted it Sunday night after the gym and I ate it with him. My next challenge: For 14 days, the span of two weeks, I need to stand up for myself. I want to rid myself of fast food and the daily junk in my life. I will have many opportunities to speak up and say, “No thank you, I do not want any of that.” If I do not learn how to stand up for myself, love myself, and respect myself I will lose control again.