Archive | November, 2012

Daily Fit Thought #13

30 Nov

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The fit thought today encompasses many parts of life.

There is much more to becoming healthy than just counting calories and going for a morning jog. A huge part of being healthy is working on the inside.

Shortcuts do not get you where you really want to be. We have all been guilty of shortcuts. I have vacuumed around a table, but not under. What did it accomplish? Nothing. Sure, the floor around the table was clean but eventually the mess needs to be completely vacuumed up. That is the problem with a shortcut: diverting from the right path leads to missing some key elements that you’ll have to take care of regardless.

Working out long and hard enough has not been my issue. My issue has been dealing with emotions. Throughout my fit journey, I have tried to take shortcuts. I have tried to over-exercise to make up for the other parts of myself that I could not control. What would happen? I would become fatigued, gain some weight, lose hope, and fall back into bad habits because I never worked on all of my problems.

Take the time and work on everything going on with yourself. Shortcuts will only rob you of the ability to fully evolve into the better person you really want to be, inside and out.

Die Hard: As in Old Habits, Not the Movies.

30 Nov

There are no memes, no attempts at jokes, nothing smiley or funny about this post tonight. I am worried. I am starting to see some habits developing again and I am desperately trying to stop them. I want to be done with some of my undesirable behaviors. I want to be physically and mentally happy.

Whenever I start to feel out of control, I grasp to something and become obsessed with it. When I was younger, it was school. When I was a teenager, it was writing and self-mutilation .When I was between 16-18, it was my first job. Then, I went a couple of years filling the void and trying to fix my lack of control in ways that I do not want to talk about at this time.  When I started my healthy lifestyle change, I slowly discovered a new way to feel in control: exercise.

I had used cycles of purging and starving in the past to feel in control, but I had never really seen exercise as something I could take control of. The summer of last year changed that for me. I had put some weight back on after a car accident. I had problems with my left knee all spring. I felt broken, but it all changed in the summer. I started to go to the gym. Then, I progressed to running to the gym and then doing an hour of cardio at the gym. Then, I started running to the gym and doing almost two hours of cardio (and some strength training) only to run back home. I was a mad woman, but I loved it. I thought I was in control of my body. I was able to eat minimal amounts and exercise away my pains, fears, and uncertainty. The added attention from people noticing my changing body helped me feel better also.

This week I have worked out harder than I should have. I did more cardio and did not eat enough. I am looking back at my food log (via MyFitnessPal) and see the biggest deficits I have seen since January. I had to stop myself from doing more cardio today. I did an hour Tuesday and an hour Wednesday. Each of those days, I also did New Rules of Lifting for Women. Today, I did New Rules again and immediately went to the cardio section to hop on the Arc trainer. Since my son did not come with me to the gym, I did not have a two hour maximum to abide by. After twenty minutes, I recognized the need building inside of me. I wanted to do an hour of the Arc and then do some intervals on either the crossramp or the stairclimber, even though I was already sore and tired. I wanted to prove to myself that I can do it. I can do all that cardio. Fuck those people who stole my running shoes. Fuck my husband’s jokes. Fuck my grandmother mocking what I choose to eat. But after thirty-seven minutes on the Arc trainer, I pried myself off of it. I could barely walk from three hard workout days in a row.

Realizing these old patterns re-emerging made me start to look at my life right now. What is making me feel so out of control? What is making me feel so empty? I need to take a step back. I need to look at the thing going on in my life right now. I need to focus on what is upsetting me instead of finding another way to cover it up.

I need to keep trying to grow and become healthy in my head and heart. Not just around my waistline.

Daily Fit Thought #12

28 Nov

self explanatory, right?

 

Very often I hear people say that to lose weight they need to workout and eat less.
Eat less?
No, not necessarily eat less. You need to eat less junk food and eat right.  Eat healthy food!
Eat clean.

Today’s daily fit thought is about eating right. Becoming healthy does not mean that you need to go to the gym for four hours five times a week. Becoming healthy, which should be the goal, is about becoming moderately active and eating right!

Skip the drive-thru, avoid the temptation of those sweets right by the cashier, and give up the cheddar and sour cream Ruffles addiction! Make sure that on a daily basis you are eating vegetables, fruits, whole grains, lean protein, and healthy fats.
Yes, you do need a certain amount of fat in your diet. These can come from nuts and avocados.
It really is that simple.

If you watch the quality of food you are putting in your mouth, everything else will fall into place.

Slip-On Sneakers at the Gym

28 Nov

I’d apply at that place!

After a weekend of not running or going to the gym, my workout today (technically yesterday) was very needed.

I am reaching the end of Stage 1 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. I will be sad to go on to Stage 2. I am currently OBSESSED with back squats. I may just add those into the workout somehow. Anyway, here was my workout today.

Back squats: 1×8 @ 115lbs, 2×8 @ 125lbs
Push Ups: 3×8 on an aerobic step with 1 pair of risers
Dumbbell Bent Over Rows: 3×8 @ 25lbs
Step Ups: 3×8 on an aerobic step with 3 pairs of risers w/ 22.5lbs (per dumbbell)
Prone Jackknife: 1×10, 2×12

Cardio was weird today. I love to run. I spent all of my childhood hating running. I dreaded the mile in gym. I always got side stitches and my legs felt like lead. Last year, something changed inside me. I slowly started running and now I love it. I am psycho about trying to protect my knees though. I have only one pair of shoes right now and they are a pair of blue slip-on sneakers. I picked them up at Target one day for twelve bucks. These are not the type of shoes I would run in. I felt like a dork in the gym today. I kept looking down at my feet wondering if I looked like a super gymrat because nothing stops me from working out or if I looked like a fitness nOOb who doesn’t even get the right shoes to workout in. Either way, I did what I needed to do! I decided to do twenty minutes on the stairclimber and then do half an hour on the elliptical. I worked up a nice sweat.

One thing I did notice at the gym today was that I could not keep my eyes off of myself. My confidence is raising. I see a strong sexy lady when I look in the gym mirrors now. I no longer see a girl that always felt physically weak. I see a woman with a barbell across her shoulders squatting ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE POUNDS! I have made such a giant transformation. Today, it was hard to stop looking and myself with pride. I hate to go on about myself like that, but it is a big deal for me. I’m sure i’ll divulge into that more later.

In other news, we have a cute little Minnie Mouse themed Christmas tree up. We decided to be those people this year, haha. A tree up before it is even December. It is hard not to be excited when you have an thirty-four month old bouncing around with a smile on his face constantly babbling about Christmas. I am more excited about December 14th though. Fall semester will be over!!

I will try to catch up on blog reading (and posting) but I am now in finals week so…..anything that does not involve my son, school, or working out…..EEEEK….do not know if I will have time!

In the spirit of finals (and trying not to stress myself out about if I am or am not getting straight As):

Mmmm……I believe in you too ;p

Can’t Steal My Spirit

25 Nov

After a very long weekend, I am feeling much better. I have a game plan and spirit. Those are two things people cannot steal.

I want to thank y’all for being great followers. The sympathy I have received the past few days has made me feel so loved. It has helped me cope with not being able to run for a full week.

I did binge yesterday. I watched television and ate. The good part was finally seeing Magic Mike. That movie immediately became a favorite. I think pieces of pumpkin pie fell out of my mouth as my jaw dropped during Channing Tatum’s stripping scenes. Haha.

Anyway, today I woke up with my head on right. I will be replacing all of my running gear this friday. I will start hitting the gym again Tuesday to lift, use the Arc trainer and climb those endless black stairs. Tuesday also starts finals! My partners in health class have not gotten back to me about our group project. I loathe group projects. I will not do all of the work. I have sent 2 pms and 3 emails and no response. They have until the 30th to respond, otherwise I am doing the whole project and turning it in with only my name on it. (Yes, I am that kind of person.) Besides health, I have two giant projects for Film and Lit. One of the projects is broken down into three spreadsheets and two papers on Othello v. Othello (1995…or 1994 film). The other one is the usual exam.

I am determined to not let the stress of finals get to me. I will finish Stage 1 of New Rules this week (or the start of next week) and I will resume running again Saturday. I am doing a lot of modifications to the way I eat this week.

I am not eating anything from a restaurant or fast food place for a week. I am also cutting my calories from 1700 to 1500, only for this week. I also am trying to stick to a more clean approach. I will not have any diet soda this week or any of the pre-made meals I love from Fresh and Easy. I want to see what one week of being extremely strict does for my body.

Time for bed. I cannot wait to beast it this week! (:
I also cannot wait to take my son to Disneyland one last time this year. I decided not to renew my annual pass just yet and they expire on Wednesday. I love his excitement and smiles when we go to DL. He’ll be a happy boy which will only make this coming week better!

The Aftermath Has an Aftertaste of Dirt

24 Nov

I am woken up by my husband before nine this morning. His face looks weary. He is hoovering over me like he has something to tell me that he does not want me to know. I ask him if he picked up the car. He has picked up the car, but he has some bad news along with the good news.

I get up and snatch the keys from his hands. I slide my feet through my blue slip-ons and rush outside. There is the car. The car looks just as it always has. Beige, used, and oddly reliable. I cannot bring myself to place the key in the lock. I cannot bring myself to open the car door. I think of the scumbag breaking open my car door. The scumbag sitting in the driver’s seat of my car.

My husband comes over and opens the car door for me. The car looks as if a mini-tornado ripped through it. I feel violated. My stomach feels sick and I struggle to look through the mess. My son’s bike is in the trunk, but it is the only thing that was left. My running shorts, knee straps, my sports bra, weight lifting gloves, my running shoes, the toys we were going to donate, and my husband’s tool set are all gone. I become slightly dizzy. Who steals a pair of used running shorts? Who steals ripped weight lifting gloves? I am at a loss. I scream out some obscenities and slam the car door shut.

I had my workout stuff in the car because I was going to the gym right after I spent the afternoon with hubs. Otherwise, I would never just leave those things in the car. I do not typically use the car as a chest of drawers.

I feel violated. I am angry. I am grateful to have the car back, but then disgusted because I should not have to be grateful about that. No one should have to be thankful for getting their car back after it was stolen from them.

The cops told my husband, last night on the phone, that what saved us is that we had a practically empty tank. The lowlife only made it to the next town over. When the cops found our car, the engine was still warm.

I was upset last night. Then, I was thrilled to find out we would get the car back today. Now, after seeing the car, I feel disgusting. Someone ripped apart my car, looked at the items, and decided what was best to steal. I feel like the turkey carcass after a big Thanksgiving dinner; People picking the last morsels of meat and then they throw out the bones.

The lowlife stole the laundry basket in the trunk and filled it with the stolen goods. I can picture him riffling through my car and then fleeing in the night. But I cannot imagine how he (or she) feels. How does a person like that tick? Clearly that car is owned by a family. The loser stole our registration, took my id out of my gym stuff, and threw my son’s Disneyland hat in the trunk. That scum saw parts of us and we will never know who he is. We will never know why he did it or what he did with our stuff. This is what bothers me most. He broke in, took our mode of transportation, stole most of what was in it, and disrupted my family’s life.

I want to forget about all of this. I want to sit in front of  the television and veg. I want to eat junk food. I want a big bag of Jack in the Box. I want to stop being angry. I wish I could be more grateful that we have our car back. I am disappointed in myself. I do not know what to do. Handling emotions is not something I have ever been able to do.

Food is Not a Shoulder to Cry on

24 Nov

My husband and I went out today. We never go out on Black Friday; “Why not see it for once”, we said.

Our first stop was Target. We saw many deals out still, even after 1pm. Surprisingly, we ignored the shopping bug nipping at our wallets. On the way out, however, we saw a box. Inside the box was a twelve-inch bike all decked out in Lightening McQueen decals. Our son, almost three, has been begging for the past few months for a bike. His birthday is a month after Christmas. We found the perfect gift. With smiles, we purchased the bike and bounced out of Target. We were so happy to find such a great deal on a bike for our boy! We place the box in the trunk and decide to walk the short distance to the mall. Earlier we saw that the parking lot was ridiculous, so why bother?

After a few hours at the mall, we headed back to the parking lot. After five minutes, my scanning starts to become frantic. “Hun, where is the car?” My husband walks down the next aisle of parked cars. I stand there while a lump grows in my throat. I can see he is pacing in between cars. There is a worried look coming over his face. My eyes begin to water because I know what has happened. “The car is gone, isn’t it?” I start to scream the first part over and over again. I begin to cry as I run between cars. I am silently praying that I am just being paranoid and jumping to conclusions. I always jump to conclusions.

But I am not being paranoid and I did jump to the right conclusion; the car was stolen.

I think of my son’s new bike. I wonder how will my husband get to work. I, selfishly, think of my running shoes. I think of the little things in my car, in my family’s car.

Jump to two hours later.
The police report was made. We are all at home. At the dinner table, I check the NBA game scores for the night. I watch my grandmother set up dinner. I immediately think of all the food I want to eat. I am not hungry, but food will fix my problem. I always tell myself that food will fix the problem.

How disgusting of me to go there. All the progress I have made, but I need to work on my relationship with food. Eating three slices of pumpkin pie will not bring the car back. Eating 5,000 calories will not make this turn into just a nightmare.

Luckily, before we start eating dinner, the police call and tell us our car is at a tow place. We can pick it up tomorrow. I hope my baby’s bike is still in there.

I am disappointed that I almost binged. Almost three years has past since I have actively decided to not emotionally eat. I need to take more time to work on this goal. Food does not cure emotional problems.